So this has been a pretty crazy week. Nobody I know (and I include myself in that statement, very much so) seems to really be sure how to deal with the fact that once again, a normal day has been torn apart, so suddenly and brutally.
Despite the fact that the bombings happened in Boston, a mere four hours up the road, they feel bizarrely unreal to me, in a way that makes me feel guilty for not feeling more. This has been an event I've deliberately turned away from; shutting down Twitter whenever it gets too much, skipping over Facebook posts, refusing point-blank to look at photos or video. This is probably a cowardly reaction, and that's okay. I don't pretend to be brave about things like this.
What I am - and again, I feel wretchedly guilty about this - is tired and numb. I look forward into the future, and all I can see is a string of half-explanations and incorrect information and speculative reports and countless placations about bringing people to justice. I see more civil liberties impinged upon, more people needlessly hurt, and more - lots more - money spent in a bid to make an apparently unsafe nation feel like they're safe. People in America are already the most fearful people I've ever met. How will they react to another attack on what we all hold most dear - the right to live life without fear?
With rules, regulations, and rapid reactions. With more hate and desire for revenge. With the type of anger that stems from frustration and the knowledge of relative impotence - and, quite possibly, with more war.
I hope - so much - that everything I see is as wrong as any one person can possibly be. I hope more than anything that I can look back in six months or a year and mock my foolish predictions. Nothing would make me happier. And I know that dozens of countries around the world see worse than this every day, and I have no more right to live in a peaceful country than any inhabitants of those countries do.
All I want this week is the impossible; for everyone in the world - our world, the one we all share and hold in common - to be able to live with the knowledge that they are safe. I want this to be a right, not the privilege that it currently is. I hope this weekend gets us all a little closer.